Pain

So – you think you’ve managed to get over it, but – no. It remains. Or – returns. Or comes anew.
A dark pain that slices into your soul – one you thought you could deal with.

But apparently not.

Finding that you are being put off, ignored, left til last is never a good feeling. And I find that I wish that just once – I could come first. For something besides my mom and dad. I know I come first for them. I’m their kid. Of course I do. But can’t I be first for someone else? Can’t I be the one who gets to hear all the stories? Get all the messages, the emails, the phone calls?

I suppose it’s in the stars that I am just the one who gets to be the one turned to when all else fails. The one to be cried on, to comfort. But never to be loved.

I’ve known this was my place for years.

Why does it still hurt?