As much as I hate having angst, BEING angst-y….
Those are the feelings I have had the past several days. And it pains me. I’m not an angsty person. Not usually. And yet – here I am, all full of those “Oh poor me” and “Woe is me” and “My life is so horrible.” All statements I know to be false. Irritating beyong belief. It really is.
I know part of it stems from something I feel from my online rp life. I feel utterly invisible, taken for granted. “Oh, she’ll be there later. I can do this other thing right now.” But all the time. Constantly pushed aside. Someone told me recently it was because I am not very agressive and that I am easily overlooked. Well. That didn’t make me feel much better at all. I don’t want to be a nag. And, honestly, shouldn’t someone *want* to do something with me without me constantly saying: “So, uh, are you ever going to reply?” I think that is what upsets me most. There are certain people who ignore me utterly unless I say that. And it’s starting to wear on me to watch those people happily bound into rp with someone else when there are things left hanging with me. But – whatever. I’m old reliable, old dependable. I’ll be there later, right?
Another part is from a friend of mine. I feel he’s making the same mistake he made several months ago. Again. With the same woman. Perhaps I should be more optimistic, give this chick the benefit of the doubt. However, she’s already torn his heart out once for absolutely no reason other than “Oh, I just can’t be with you right now, even though I said I could.” So – yeah. I’m pissed off about that. But can I say anything? Nothing he would hear.
And a third thing. I was having one of these moments last night and had to cut off working on something with someone. Now, this guy is supposedly my friend. He has promised to listen to me whenever I need someone. And I have been there for him, many times, in the past nine months or so. I’ve been understanding when he needed to stop in the middle of something. And yet, last night, I got the DISTINCT impression he was pissed off. And that hurt. A lot. The one time *I* needed understanding – and I cannot get it from someone who has promised it to me. Well, what the fuck.
So – yeah. ANGST. And I hate it. I HATE being like this.
I hope I can get over this soon. I’m really unhappy about this.
As trite as it sounds, hang tough, things will get better!
Hope your day gets better!
Thanks very much. I appreciate your kind thoughts. ::smiles:: It will get better. I know. I’m just an impatient wench! (;
BTW, you have a killer templete. LOVE it.
I think that everyone gets to a point of angst at some time in their lives, but it’s what you do with it. We’re not supposed to stay in that state, people tell us self-pity is a horrible thing, but let me tell you what’s worked for me in the past.
When things get bad, to the point where I can’t help but start to think “Oh poor me” I give myself an hour – no more, no less – I set a timer ever and I use that time to wallow in my misery. I spend the *entire* time thinking about how horrible things are, how no one has ever felt as bad as me… you know the drill.
Then, when the hour is up (and this is the key), I stop wallowing and do something productive.
In all the years I’ve been doing this, I’ve never fallen *back* into the angst after the concentrated hour of it.
~FG };^>
I’ve resolved to live more angst-free in 2006. I am going to try and devote some of that energy toward taking care of my self. Too much youthful angst! Now, I’m a blogging .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address)…
Thanks for the compliment, ShutteredEye!
Fyre Goddess – that is a really good idea. I think I need to do that. ANd perhaps take a hiatus from the things giving me the most angst. :lol
eV – Yes, I think I shall do that too. I give up ANGST! YES!